Dying to live
by MidnightGenius
Summary: Naruto's failed suicide attempts disturb not only him, but those around him. What will they do about it? [Naru x ?] [formerly My Reason to Live is to die] Sequal: For You
1. Chapter 1

The hardest part for them was living with it. Living with the knowledge that they could have done something and didn't; that they should have seen it but couldn't.

The hardest part for him was the fact that they knew. All of them did. They would treat him like glass because they all knew he wanted to die. They would handle him gently because if they didn't they would drop him and he would break. Everything would be…different.

Oh he had lived, Kyuubi had seen to that, but he had **_tried_**. It was the fact that he had **_tried_** to die, **_tried_** to kill himself, that made them treat him so.

And some were full of joy at the event. They stood at home and on the streets, even in the stores, laughing. The Kyuubi brat had tried to off himself, how funny. But their number had dwindled, they were but few now.

Some cried, but they were few as well. Shinobi are not allowed to cry.

Most wondered why, for what reason.

One knew.

And a powerful reason it was.

What he didn't know, when he tried, was that this one was in Konoha on the particular day he had picked, had seen him fall, had been the first to reach his unconscious body at the bottom of the Hokage monument, and had been the one to carry him to the hospital. This one person had sat with him for hours, days, as he slept, but a mission had called the person away.

So when he woke, the person was gone. To him, no one had ever been there. He hadn't heard the person whisper to him, hadn't felt the hand holding his. To him, no one cared. He woke up in an empty room with the curtains closed, no flowers, no signs of kinship. To him, no one loved him.

He checked death by falling off his mental checklist, he would have to try another method.


	2. Chapter 2

When Sakura and lee walked in on him trying to bleed himself to death, he had made sure neither of them had any idea what he was doing before he screamed at them to go the hell away and leave him alone. Needless to say they did, and he quickly discovered that the Kyuubi would not let him bleed enough to die, and crossed death by blood loss off his list. Two down…

The next time he saw Tsunade, he pushed every button he knew, and some he didn't, but all he ended up with was a few bruises, so death by Tsunade was out.

It was in the same manner that death by Gaara was strangled out of existence, but he left that encounter without even a scratch. Actually, Gaara had hugged him. No angry glare, no threats, no attack by sand, just a hug. This had definitely frustrated Naruto, why did dying have to be so hard, damnit!

Death by Sakura had also failed; he was running out of options.

He was forbidden to take missions, or leave the village, so that excluded death by mission, death by Akatsuki, death by Sasuke (or Orochimaru), and being hunted as a missing Nin.

He was also not allowed to train by himself, so that erased 'killed in a training accident'. Naruto was down to his last idea. Complete chakra exhaustion.

It wasn't like the concept was new, he'd done it loads of times with Jiraya, it was just that this time he had to exhaust Kyuubi's Chakra too.

He found this a lot harder to do than he had originally thought. He had burned through his own chakra without issue, but Kyuubi refused to let his own be drained. Eventually, though he had no idea how, he managed to overpower Kyuubi and drain its chakra. Perhaps his will to die was just that strong?

The chakra was almost gone, he was so close to sweet darkness that he didn't notice someone had stopped him, wrapped arms around his shaking body. He didn't notice when this person called someone in, didn't notice when they poured their chakra into him. Didn't notice because he was unconscious, dying, as he wished.

He did notice when he woke up in the hospital -again

He did notice that he was alone -again

He -still- knew that no one truly cared about him when there were no small touches of affection in the room -again.

So he completely ignored the door when it opened, turning only when he heard Kakashi sigh after he'd closed the door behind Iruka who, Naruto noted, looked like he'd gotten just about as much sleep as Gaara.

"Again Naruto?" Kakashi's voice was quiet as he pulled up a chair beside Naruto's bed. He looked tired, haggard, though not as severely as Iruka. "We've been talking about you, and we've made a decision." Naruto scoffed, Kakashi ignored him and continued "We are appointing someone to supervise you. We want to help, but this seems to be the only way."

"What, can't have your precious powerful weapon dying on you?" he scoffed again

"Naruto, it's nothing like-" Iruka had begun to panic, but was stopped when Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Iruka looked away and hung his head.

"Who is it?"

"Gaara. He was in Konoha so we asked, we've made it a mission for him so nothing draws him away. He'll be here in a few minutes so get ready to leave."

Naruto gave a small sigh of acknowledgement before he returned to ignoring them.

Iruka choked back a sob and Kakashi led him from the room.

When Gaara came to fetch Naruto, he was angry enough to make it a near-tangible force. Naruto was fairly certain that if he touched Gaara, he would not only suffer severe burns, but would most likely burst into flames.

Needless to say, he avoided contact. Death by fire had already been a failed experiment.


	3. Chapter 3

It was several days later when a previously silent Gaara asked Naruto a simple one-word question. "Why?"

"Because it's my reason to live."

"What is?"

It had been this very question that Naruto spent a good portion of his life pondering. His reason to live. The reason he chose, his final decision, was, though truthful, one that those who knew him well would seek endlessly to change.

"To die."

It was a week before Gaara spoke to him again.

* * *

"Why?" 

"It's that the people of this town always wanted. In their hearts, they hoped. That I would die in a mission, that some great attack on the village would leave me dead, that there would be a rockslide while I was training , and I would be killed. They all wished for it, whispered about it. I decided I would give them what they wanted.

* * *

Two weeks without Gaara saying a word were not as hard as he had thought they would be, mainly because Neji had taken to coming round as often as he could, and Naruto had come to enjoy his presence and await his visits eagerly. It was on one such visit that Neji asked the very question Gaara had, only now it scared Naruto to answer. He didn't want to lose what he had gained with Neji, but for the same reason he had to tell him the truth. 

"Because it's my reason to live."

"To die?"

"…yeah"

"I think you need a new one?"

"Reason?"

"Yeah."

"What would you propose?"

"How about," Neji stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist "Me." He breathed before kissing him gently.

"I think" Naruto stole another kiss "That's a fine reason"


End file.
